I had a dream. Horses, riding arena, round pen for coaching, rooms for seminars & trainings and a restaurant with a lounge all on a green land surrounded by forest. I had a friend who came and told me that I can realize this dream with him and his company funding. I started to look for land that was up for rent. Searched for 2 months and could not find any. Then my friend came to say that they would be investing the money on something else that their company needed. So I made a new plan for the new year. And the plan did not include anything about that dream of mine. About 2 days after I put up my new year’s plan on my wall, the realtor called to say that there was a land available and with just the things that I was looking for at just the price that I was willing to pay. So of course, although I did not have any investors backing me up, I agreed to see it. I just thought “If it is that good, the forces giving me this opportunity will also provide me the funding when the time comes. If it is useless, then at least I will have it off my mind.”
I dropped what I was doing and went to meet with the realtor. The land was no good, but he thought of another one; the owner did not want to rent it but was willing to become partners with someone who would build a recreational business on it. I had to go pick up a package so I agreed to see it on the way there. This time the land was sooo good that I decided it needed a much bigger investment and it was not my cup of tea. I picked up the parcel sent from my mother with new year presents in it and was driving in a rush when I spotted a dog hanging head down a fence, crying in pain. Its back foot was stuck in the wire so I parked the car, got out to help the poor animal along with the realtor. The man just went running up to the dog and the frightened animal bit him. There were two puppies running around and the helpless dog had thought the man would harm them since she was not in a position to protect them. I calmed the dog down, then other people came to help and after some time we managed to free the dog.
By this time I was already late to pick up my 3 year old daughter from the preschool so I rushed back to the car only to find out that the man’s wound was bleeding. I had to take him to a clinic where his wound would be treated and when I arrived at the preschool half an hour late, I could not tell them the real reason for my being late – again. The story would be too hard to believe in. Although I felt ashamed and felt like an irresponsible mother, I did not regret stopping to save the dog. Our second cat had gone missing the night before and I was glad that I had saved one animal even if I had not found and saved ours from the street.
We had found this second cat of ours on the street, the weather was cold and she was looking really hungry. She looked just like the one we had at home but with a nicer personality. The one at home is a very nervous and mean cat and no one except me and my husband can touch her without getting scratched or bitten including our daughter. We were wishing to have a nicer cat that would allow herself to be petted by our 3 year old girl and saying “Wouldn’t it be nice if this was a different cat?” to ourselves now and then. So we brought her home thinking that our daughter’s fairy godmothers were at work. She had been with us for 3 months when she got lost.
I should have understood that there was something wrong that day when she did not came back because my little girl picked up a toy cat from the store that day. I told her that she already had many furry toys at home but she defended her case by saying she did not have a cat and when I said “You have a real cat at home, honey” she turned her head and looked away. We realized the cat was missing at night, hours after we had bought the toy cat but maybe she knew better.
It was the first time that I rode a horse bareback that day. All those years of riding and it was the first time I experienced such connection and joy. Since I never had a horse of my own, I did not have the opportunity to do such a thing because at riding schools you don’t get to do that. So probably something bad and painful was happening to our cat during the time that I was riding with a smile, totally ignorant of the fact, thinking this is a new level of sharing with an animal.
It is the not knowing that kills me. You are doing something, thinking something, deciding on something meanwhile something else is happening that will change everything about it and you don’t have a clue. Isn’t that cruel to us all? Yes, it is.